with your own penis?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
