Apparently you make a good broom.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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