Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
