The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think your dad took our porno
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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