i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
