You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
