Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
