We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
