He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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