Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry about my life...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
