Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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