hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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