It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
