hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
