I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
