I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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