maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
