I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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