Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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