Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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