3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
