I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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