I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
