Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
