He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i drank out of a bidet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
