Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
