this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
try to milk me bitch
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