Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
