the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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