you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
