There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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