Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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