What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
