well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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