elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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