chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
