a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
