omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
