remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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