I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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