I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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