They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
