you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
