She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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