Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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