i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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