Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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