it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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