I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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