I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
